There is a lot of wisdom in loving yourself first and foremost – especially when it comes to how others perceive you. Self confidence (real or constructed) goes a long way to being a person others wish to spend time with and effort on. Added to this is the age old adage that you should be happy single before you can be happy in a relationship. There is truth to that as well, though I think there is an interesting discussion to be had in how that plays into contemporary D/s relationships.
This thought comes about after watching the second episode of Downton Abbey, in which a character not use to privileged life scoffs at his newly appointed valet. What kind of career is it for a grown man to serve another? Later in the episode he is reminded that the valet gains a sense of self worth from his duties and that is not something one should scoff at.
How then, do we reconcile these two concepts in modern D/s relationships? Even with my D/s “goal” being as it is (24/7 TPE), I still have a career and education that I will continue to pursue throughout my life. Other submissives may prefer homemaking (which I’m likening to Downton Abbey’s Edwardian era servants, in this case) as their career choice instead. In both cases, however, a great sense of self worth is garnered from submission, both in specific acts service or mental side of submitting. With a greater sense of self worth comes a greater confidence, which, in turn, makes a more attractive person. How then does today’s submissive feign that extra bit of confidence while single? Where can they get that self worth?
Well we could follow the internet’s three steps following a divorce (something about hiring Facebook, hitting a lawyer and deleting the gym), though my little trick is try to think of (or know from previous relationships) a lot of the little things a future dominant is likely going to want anyway, and work on those. Now, D/s is a very powerful force for me, more so than pure willpower a lot of the time, but for whatever reason, I find it much easier to disappoint myself than I do others. It’s hard for me to be accountable to myself. This is why Crossfit has worked so well for me (and hopefully our upcoming team nutrition challenge as well).
Although not as powerful as an actual D/s dynamic, this sort of Mind Mistress does help. I do not think that this can be the final stop, though. Being able to achieve goals purely for self is important, and I don’t believe doing things for imaginary partner counts in that regard. It’s a start though.
I am interested in the tips and trick of others though so please post below. Also, a question for dominants – when and/or if you are single, have you run into any of the same issues, on the other side of the slash? Does having a submissive of your very own help iwht your self worth and self confidence, or is it immaterial?Read More