I’ve posted a lot about labels and identities recently as I wade through my thoughts. I’ve come to a resting place (for now) and updated my FL profile and am posting it here for posterity’s sake.
On the vanilla stuff
The down and dirty first. I’m in college with about a year of undergrad left (Journalism & Screen Studies and Women & Gender Studies, double major) and plan to continue into grad school afterwards. Currently, I work as an app developer at a high paced start-up.
I have a wide range of vanilla interests (of note are psychology, social justice, and sci-fi/fantasy media) and thrive on interesting discussion first and foremost. I enjoy the finer things in life, like to dress up when I can, and would love to learn ballroom dancing with a willing soul. I also do CrossFit several times a week in an effort to get in shape.
I’m extremely empathetic and take great care in both the emotional and physical well-being of those close to me.
I blog at http://jtrevner.com.
I have often struggled with the boxes that various kink identities put us in. In general, I don’t feel that any one word is descriptive or nuanced enough to fully capture all of my interests. However, you will see ‘sub’ at the top of my profile, as I think it most closely refers to my outlook on kink and relationships – but I urge you to continue reading for the whole story.
One friend has described my version of submission as being a ‘pet gentleman’ – which I have taken a liking to. My preferred relationship style is a D/s one, with romance at its core – power exchange is by far my biggest kink. Girlfriend/boyfriend, Dominant/submissive, partners in crime. At once, both compatible in vanilla and kink interests. I am not interested in being a secondary or in a D/s-only relationship. I’m greedy and want it all!
I want to kneel at her feet, not simply because she is a dominant, but because she is the woman I cherish and care for most. I want to do things for her for the simple enjoyment of making her happy.
When it comes to play, however, I am a switch, or rather, *can* switch. As above, my enjoyment comes from others’ pleasure. If someone’s pleasure comes from pain, then, I am happy to oblige. I am a reaction junkie all the way so whether it’s the sadist’s laugh, the masochist’s moans of pleasure-pain, or the dominant’s “good boy,” I want to be the one that caused it.
I’m all about power exchange and the trust flows between me and my partner (whether for a party, for life, or somewhere in between). S&M, bondage, and all the other physical kinks are icing on the cake and a manifestation of that trust. I am a very tactile person, so closeness and touch are important to me in play – I don’t need a lot of toys or equipment to enjoy a scene.
Play comes in two very different forms for me. Casual play, with friends, is all about testing limits, both my own and theirs. For some, their body is a temple – mine is a laboratory; a science project. I am very open to casual play and do so regularly at parties and events. In these cases, gender and biological sex are not important to me.
The second kind of play for me is play within the context of an ongoing relationship. It can be fun and silly, painful and dark, purely primal and sexual, teeth gnashing. This kind of play is raw and emotional, saved for behind closed doors, and shared only with my partner.