It’s been a pretty great few weeks. There have certainly been some lows, but an overall net positive.
It’s con season, so for me that means lots of naked people and floggers. I’m two in at this point – Twisted Tryst and SINergy. The events had very different energy, even if they seem similar on paper. Both are weekend events with a bunch of classes and plenty of play. However, the former is a camping event and had a lot of pagan and woo energy mixed in. The latter, a hotel event, was more similar to the events I am used to, but with a larger presence of Leather people.
Tryst proved to be an emotional roller coaster. Being out in nature and sleeping in a hammock for 3 nights gave me a lot of time to process. I’m not sure that I came to any big revelations other than broad things like “I’m on the right path” and “these are my people,” but these are always good things to visit and revisit anyway. And although the two tentative scenes I had planned going into the weekend fell through, I got a beating and a flaying by a good friend and left with a pretty crazy high. (It turns out that emotional connection = better scene *is* actually true.)
SINergy was a different beast. Of note was demo bottoming for a power exchange class. This proved to be a more significant experience than I anticipated. Maybe it was the presenter’s experience, maybe his energy, or maybe I finally decided to let go in this safe (because temporary) environment, but I have never been so keyed in on someone in my life. Even with the D/s that I have previously explored, the experience came as a shock. A good shock. A holy-shit-please-yes-that shock. Thinking back to every time in the last few years that I’ve questioned my interest in power exchange or thought that maybe I’d do better as a dominant, it seems quite silly now. No, it felt right taking that role and being in that headspace.
And that submissive headspace. A few minutes in, there might as well have been no one in the audience, because I didn’t notice them. Or care what they thought or how they might view me. He was the center of my world for that hour, with a little leftover attention going to his slave and the other demo bottom.
Now, despite all this, there was plenty of struggle. I’m not interested in dominant men and I struggled submitting to masculine energied dominance. There was a strong internal fight or flight in the beginning but I was able to calm myself through meditation techniques and a hefty amount of jaw clenching. Hopefully I can sit through the class again, in the audience, and actually learn what was being taught, because I cannot recall a word of it. But what I did learn was invaluable and probably more important to my journey than any other kinky class I’ve sat in.
The rest of the event was quite good as well, and while I had no S&M scenes I got both my pairs of boots blacked, by an old friend and a new one. Bootblacks are the best! My involvement with the power exchange class opened up conversation with another new friend which I hope will continue to grow into the future.
Oh, yeah. While this won’t come as a surprise to those local to me, I’ve got two significant people in my life these days: Megan, who I’ve been dating for a few months and have recently solidified a relationship with and another person who I am dating and hopefully will solidify a relationship with in the near future.
Things seem to be coming together for good ole JT.
Upcoming: COPE will be another (larger) hotel event in a few weeks and then Great Lakes Leather Alliance a few weeks after that. While Megan and I have stepped our toes into the power exchange pool (yes, I take things reallllly slow these days, I get it), I suggested we test out a more significant dynamic during COPE, to which she agreed. Stay tuned on how that goes.