It’s one of the common thing we tell newbies to the world of kink: it’s not all about sex. But it definitely can be sexual, and often is. For me, I’ve found, that sexual attraction to my play partner ultimately determines whether the scene is ‘sexual,’ or not, regardless of the relationship (which is usually platonic) outside of the scene itself. This has led to some personal hang ups, re: sexual energy and whether or not that should or needs to be negotiated or otherwise discussed.
In the past few years, my scenes generally are either in private with an intimate partner or public with a platonic partner. There has been very little crossover. With an intimate partner, sexual stimulation is often on the goals of play, but not so with platonic play partners. Because of this, I would usually keep my underwear or jockstrap on when playing in public. I’ve been fortunate that the right venues, partners, and party energy have mostly gotten over this hurdle in recent months, allowing me to bear it all at parties.
However, this has brought forth my newest concern – the mid-scene erection. My public scenes are generally bondage, impact, and/or needles and never directly sexual. Even though all sensation is far from any erogenous zones, I’m flying at half or full mast with pre-cum dripping down my leg by the end.
And this feels…wrong?
It feels good, great even. But wrong. Because the scenes were never intended to be sexual or include sex (which I’ll define as intentional sexual stimulation), I feel like I’m accidentally taking the scene to place it was never negotiated to go. Taking or giving sexual energy in a way that is not representative of the relationship we have. It even can break me out of headspace as I start worrying what my Top or others watching might think or assume from my uncontrollable bodily function.
Is this okay? Should it be something I tell my top before hand might happen? Am I just being over analytical and worrying about nothing?